Archive for April, 2012

Women’s Rights

April 30, 2012

So, I am going to attempt to do this without alienating all of my female readers, but only because all of my regular readers except one are female. At least, of the ones I know.

No, I’m not going to talk about going back to the kitchen, and I’m not going to use the word “sammich” at all.

Except for then.

But, there is a thing going around recently. Women like to say that chivalry is dead.

I was chivalrous once. I used to open doors and pull out chairs for women and all that good stuff. But one day, something day happened.

I opened a door for a lady, just like I always had. Every other time, I had been met with a “thank you,” or worse… Silence.

This time was definitely different, though. This time, the lady tore into me with a torrent of anger.

She said things like “How dare you?” and “You think I can’t open a door for myself?” She referenced the fact that she was independent and “didn’t need a man to do things for her.”

I quietly let go of the door and went on my way.

I haven’t opened a car door for a lady since. That lady ruined it for anyone who will every know me.

Ladies like her are ruining it for everyone everywhere.

Women like to say that chivalry is dead, but the fact is this: Women’s Rights killed it.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that women are not equal. I’m not saying that they shouldn’t be paid the same as men or be able to hold the same public offices as men.

But, I’m saying that you lose all of your chivalrous privileges if these things happen.

Tell you what, you can pick up the bill for dinner tonight. Better yet, let’s go Dutch from now. Why? Well, we make the same amount of money now, so you can afraid to pick up the tab for your own dinner.

Ow. That hurt. I can’t believe you punched me. How’s that? What’s wrong? You are mad because I punched you back? No, I don’t care if you are a girl. You wanted to be equal to men in all ways. If a man punched me in the nose, I’d punch him right back.

See what I am saying? You ladies like the idea of being “equal” to men, but once it comes down to it, you don’t want to be treated like men at all. You want to gain all the good stuff about being a guy while keeping all the good stuff about being a girl.

I don’t blame you. If I could get someone to take me shopping while still living with a period, I’d jump at the chance.

Of course, I’d be at the comic book store, but that’s not important.

ghjr

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This is not included in the 500 word limit.

Thanks to Ashton Cutright (A WOMAN!) for the challenge.

I did my best to get my point across. A lot of people don’t take this “equality” thing into consideration, especially women. They already unofficially run the world. You women don’t need to make a big point of it by literally trying to run the world too, ok?

Either way, I think I did well without being too sexist. Am I right, bitches?

Truly ghjr

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France

April 27, 2012

“Je t’aime!” He waved at his lover as he pedaled his small bike down the straight to the factory.

“Oui, oui. Je t’aime,” she countered, mostly despondent. Her hand barely raised high enough for him to see as he pedaled lightly down the sidewalk.

She entered her house to make a small breakfast for herself, the whole time cursing the small, quiet neighborhood they had been damned to. “I’ll never get out of here. We’ll never have enough money to move to France. We’ll die in this town.”

They had been stuck in Hyannis for almost a decade now, having moved there right after college so her husband could take a job at a nuclear power plant. They thought they would only be there until things worked out in France, but every plan they made fell through quicker that it had been drawn up, and with a little one on the way, there was no way they’d have the funds to move out of the country now.

She grabbed a small baguette for the breadbox and gave it a sharp sniff. She could tell that the bread had become just as stale as her life had, but it was no matter. Grabbing a sharp knife, she began slicing the weeks old bread. She wasn’t completely dissatisfied with her life. She loved her husband and enjoyed her time off from work as their child grew inside her.

The night the baby was conceived was one of the best nights of her life. Her husband had come home with fine champagne, swearing he had clenched a job on the board of the nuclear power plant. They kissed passionately, spilling the champagne on the hardwood floor of their bedroom. They made love all night, urged on by their love for each other and the idea that the new job would provide an outlet to her beloved France.

But big cuts had to be made, and he was one of them.

They never saw the pink slip in his locker coming until it was too late. Luckily, the local straight razor factory always needed workers.

She rubbed her stomach lightly, knowing that many months would pass before they were able to meet their child. She dug lightly through the spice rack for cinnamon and retrieved the large bag of sugar from the floor cabinet.

Of course, the factory was just a mile or so down the road, so her husband fixed up his old bike and rode it everyday, even in the brisk fall weather. It saved money, so he didn’t mind. He still dreamed of giving her her dream of living in France.

But, they both slowly realized that it was no longer possible.

They would be in Hyannis for the rest of their lives.

She dunked the stale bread in an egg and cinnamon mixture, and slapped it into a sizzling hot skillet.

“C’est la vie,” she sighed audibly.

“C’est la vie.”

ghjr

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This is not included in the 500 word limit.

Thanks to Ashton Cutright for the challenge. Good luck on your quest for a saw.

Now, by show of hands, who expected depression over failed dreams in a post about France?

Also, who realized she was making French toast?

I’ll bet you did.

Truly ghjr.

Nerd Equipment Showdown: Star Wars vs. Doctor Who

April 23, 2012

I have a feeling this is going to come off as really stilted. I’ve been a fan of Star Wars for most of my life, and I’ve never seen an episode of Doctor Who. But, my ideas may surprise you.

So, between these two giants of sci-fi/fantasy, who has the best technology? Who has the best nerd equipment?

Let’s find out:

It’s no doubt that the signature piece of technology for the Star Wars universe is…

the lightsaber.

Yes, that lightning sword of destruction wielded by Jedi and Sith alike. With the power to cut through pretty much any material and the ability to cut AND cauterize a wound at the same time, it’s not hard to see why so many kids (and adults. Don’t judge.) would be perfectly content to own one of their own.

Lightsabers can deflect blaster bolts, tear through packs of battle droids and make an iconic sound while doing so. It’s like the samurai sword of the… well, “long ago” times.

Bad example.

However, the signature piece of Doctor Who tech is the sonic screwdriver. It’s basically the opposite of a lightsaber. It can open almost any lock in the Universe, control any computer EVER, do health scans, things like that. It’s a bit more like something from Star Trek than Star Wars, but it’s still pretty awesome.

So, an electrical wand that can control all of the Universe, or a hand-held death-bolt that can destroy anything. That’s basically what it boils down to.

When you put it like that, it sounds like Doctor Who has the leg up.

As for transportation, Star Wars has a battalion of iconic ships. TIE Fighters, X-wings, Slave 1, Luke’s landspeeder, and the Millennium Falcon are some of the most ubiquitous modes of transportation in all of sci-fi. They are iconic beyond belief, but they have limitations. They can only travel so fast.

Even Han Solo says that Millennium Falcon can only travel .5 past light speed.

Why do I say “only”?

TARDIS is instantaneous.

There’s no worrying able navi-computers or coordinates in a TARDIS. You hop in, and you are where (and when) you want.

In a TARDIS, you don’t have to worry about navigating asteroid fields while fending off flocks of TIE fighters. In a TARDIS, Luke could just transport to the middle of the Death Star, make one swipe with a lightsaber and transport right the hell out again.

Hell, with a TARDIS, Luke could have just gone back in time and stabbed Empire Palpatine when he was a child.

So, I suppose, when you put it that way, Doctor Who has the leg up again.

So…. Doctor Who wins?

I don’t know. For me, it’s still Star Wars.

Yes, in general, Doctor Who tech is better, but I’ve wanted a lightsaber since I was 7.

My biases are pulling on my heartstrings harder than logical ever could.

 

ghjr

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This is not included in the 500 word limit.

Thanks to Tristram Salisbury for the challenge.

I love any time that I can spend talking about Star Wars.

And I really have been meaning to catch some Doctor Who. It’s all over Netflix. I really have no excuse.

 

Truly ghjr