Archive for the 'Comics' Category

My Superpowers

August 3, 2012

People often want to know where I came from, exactly what makes a man like me tick.

We learned long ago that every hero has an origin story, and even the greatest can come from humble beginnings.

Batman’s parents were murdered in front of him. Superman was sent to Earth to escape his dying home planet of Krypton. The Flash was struck by lightning.

Spider-Man was bitten by a spider. The Hulk was exposed to gamma radiation. Captain America was pumped full of chemicals to kick some Nazi ass.

It’s all pretty run-of-the-mill stuff.

I am no different.

I came from humble beginnings, growing up in a nameless, faceless town in the middle of West Virginia. I was a normal child, a bit smarter than some others my age, but I loved to play pretend or roll in the dirt outside. As I grew, my imagination was captured by something else: Star Wars.

But you’ve heard all about that. I can assure you I will not include any more about that now.

I aged as a normal child would, discovering social connections with those around me and reaching my childlike feelers out into the surrounding world.

But unbeknownst to me, a tiny bug had crawled into my ear during my sleep. At first, it caused no discomfort; the effects of the bug in my brain were nigh non-existent.

Then the visions started. Soon after, the hand spasms.

I could see things others couldn’t. Land squids attacking young women. Horrible happenings at Halloween.

Even a large, talking British doughnut attempting to save a band of merry music makers from the clutches of an evil king.

All of it played out in front of my eyes, and my hands flailed wildly all the while.

After some time, I finally dragged myself to the hospital for head x-ray. It took quite some time to pinpoint the cause of my problems, but that was the day we had discovered the tiny bug inside my brain.

The doctor called it Literatori Typungiforma, but he said most people just call it “The Writing Bug.” He said it has been known to cause severe hallucinations, finger spasms and carpal tunnel syndrome. Some severe long term effects have been known to occur, and they include depression and predisposition to alcoholism and excess.

I told him just how excited I was to hear about my new parasite. He could hear the sarcasm dripping from my every word.

He then told me that he had found the bug to be irradiated. It seems it had been living in a highly sardonic area and would continually emit the sarcasm through me.

Because of this bug, I sit at my computer night after night, scraping ever inner surface of my mind for the entertainment of you people, patiently waiting for my time to shine.

Because I’m the writer you deserve, but not the one you need right now. Because I am the sarcastic scrawler.

The lingering linguist!



This is not included in the 500 word limit.

Thanks again to Daniel Bollinger for another in which he wants me to spread my wings.

I tried to pull a bit of a Dark Knight thing there at the end. I hope you got that.

If not, just have Gary Oldman read the last few sentences to you. That’ll do the trick.

Truly ghjr


Marvel vs. DC

July 13, 2012

This, my dears, is a sacred time of year for nerds the world over.

This week is the time when nerds from all lands make the pilgrimage from their lead figure-lined basements, brave the blazing sun and the inevitable social interaction, and return to the hallowed nerd motherland.

San Diego.

It’s Comic-Con week.

And before you think this is another blog about what’s happening there, forget it.

I’ve never been fortunate enough to make the trek, so don’t expected insider info here. It’s just a great way to frame the post.

What’s that mean? It’s means Comic-Con is a celebration of nerds and their various loves. Movies. Games. Anime porn.

And, as the name implies… comics.

And what’s the one thing you don’t have to be a nerd to know about comics?

Brand wars.

That’s right, kids. DC vs. Marvel.

Now, I’m obliged to keep this short, but I want to touch on something more than my preferences. If I left it those, we wouldn’t even have 500 words.


Marvel has had some great successes over the years. The recent string of movies is getting more and more people interested in their issues, which is always a good thing.

And Stan Lee has done more for comics than… well, anyone.

This is my problem with Marvel, though.

I think they play it a bit too tame.

Now, I haven’t read every one of their titles, but from what I have read, it’s fairly run-of-the-mill. Not formulaic, but familiar and mostly safe. But, what can you expect from a company owned by Disney?

I’ve been nose deep in AvX recently, but nothing in it has blown me away, aside from lazy-eyed Magneto.

I can’t tell if he’s looking at Emma Frost’s cleavage or Scarlet Witch’s cleavage!


It’s no secret that I prefer DC, but that doesn’t give them a free ride. I love Batman, even though the story lines and villains haven’t always been the greatest.

But, I do love it, and the new stuff from Scott Snyder has been phenomenal.

I prefer DC because of the darker story lines. Seeing Joker’s peeled-off face nailed to a wall at the end of Detective Comics #1. The Comedians intended rape of the Silk Spectre.

The entirety of Blackest Night.

It’s a lot darker and gritty, something that appeals to me as a reader.

But, I don’t write them a blank check. Why?

Robin. Aquaman. ALL of Identity Crisis AND Final Crisis.

I have my reasons.

Either way, both companies have had their ups and downs, both have had recent successes at the movies, and both will be around until after I die.

Which is a good thing. Comics are one of life’s little pleasures, one that I indulged in a little too late in life.

I have a feeling that my live-long love of Batman helps me decide which company is mine. Oh, well.

Batman could beat Spider-Man any day.



This is not included in the 500 word limit.

Thanks to Lisa Hostuttler for this challenge. I think you’ve been looking a calendars and choosing your subjects wisely.

Tonight is the first night I wished this was 200o Words On…, not 500. I feel like I could talk about the whole DC vs. Marvel thing for an hour.

But, I can’t. I’ve got a word limit for a reason, folks.


Truly ghjr