My Superpowers

August 3, 2012

People often want to know where I came from, exactly what makes a man like me tick.

We learned long ago that every hero has an origin story, and even the greatest can come from humble beginnings.

Batman’s parents were murdered in front of him. Superman was sent to Earth to escape his dying home planet of Krypton. The Flash was struck by lightning.

Spider-Man was bitten by a spider. The Hulk was exposed to gamma radiation. Captain America was pumped full of chemicals to kick some Nazi ass.

It’s all pretty run-of-the-mill stuff.

I am no different.

I came from humble beginnings, growing up in a nameless, faceless town in the middle of West Virginia. I was a normal child, a bit smarter than some others my age, but I loved to play pretend or roll in the dirt outside. As I grew, my imagination was captured by something else: Star Wars.

But you’ve heard all about that. I can assure you I will not include any more about that now.

I aged as a normal child would, discovering social connections with those around me and reaching my childlike feelers out into the surrounding world.

But unbeknownst to me, a tiny bug had crawled into my ear during my sleep. At first, it caused no discomfort; the effects of the bug in my brain were nigh non-existent.

Then the visions started. Soon after, the hand spasms.

I could see things others couldn’t. Land squids attacking young women. Horrible happenings at Halloween.

Even a large, talking British doughnut attempting to save a band of merry music makers from the clutches of an evil king.

All of it played out in front of my eyes, and my hands flailed wildly all the while.

After some time, I finally dragged myself to the hospital for head x-ray. It took quite some time to pinpoint the cause of my problems, but that was the day we had discovered the tiny bug inside my brain.

The doctor called it Literatori Typungiforma, but he said most people just call it “The Writing Bug.” He said it has been known to cause severe hallucinations, finger spasms and carpal tunnel syndrome. Some severe long term effects have been known to occur, and they include depression and predisposition to alcoholism and excess.

I told him just how excited I was to hear about my new parasite. He could hear the sarcasm dripping from my every word.

He then told me that he had found the bug to be irradiated. It seems it had been living in a highly sardonic area and would continually emit the sarcasm through me.

Because of this bug, I sit at my computer night after night, scraping ever inner surface of my mind for the entertainment of you people, patiently waiting for my time to shine.

Because I’m the writer you deserve, but not the one you need right now. Because I am the sarcastic scrawler.

The lingering linguist!

ghjr!

——————————————————————————————————————

This is not included in the 500 word limit.

Thanks again to Daniel Bollinger for another in which he wants me to spread my wings.

I tried to pull a bit of a Dark Knight thing there at the end. I hope you got that.

If not, just have Gary Oldman read the last few sentences to you. That’ll do the trick.

Truly ghjr

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One Response to “My Superpowers”

  1. Daniel Says:

    Oh no, I caught it. No worries. And I felt that was very creative. It’s not what I’d have guessed you’d put for a super power, but I love it!!


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