George Bush

June 25, 2012

This world has seen its fair share of George Bushs. More than enough, if you ask me.

I can’t go on record to say that they are both national embarrassments or that they were dangerous individuals that turned into the country’s worst presidents.

I don’t know enough about all the presidents to be able to make that claim.

But, at various points in their time in the Oval Office’s grand spotlight, both George and G.W. have shown their bumbling idiot sides.

Imagine, if you will, that our President has taken a trip to Japan. It’s mid-January, 1992.

Perhaps the President has a 24-hour bug. Perhaps he got a hold of some bad sushi and unsettled his already weak stomach in his doubles tennis match earlier that day.

Perhaps he just hated Japan.

Who knows.

Either way, imagine the shining eye of the television stations capturing a live feed of George H.W. Bush as he begins spewing the food of the Japanese back onto its creators.

Imagine Barb holding napkins over his face in an effort to contain that royal vomit.

We all know that that never works, but dammit, Barbara was going to try.

The Bushes were surrounded by 135 Japanese diplomats. At an important state event.

Held at the home of the Japanese Prime Minister.

Now, we can all understand how embarrassing this is. After all, I’m sure we’ve all had an experience with public puking.

Either way, it’s quite an embarrassment, enough to keep the vomiter red in the face well after the burst blood vessels from the force of the trauma subside.

But, little G.W. was enough to keep Bush, Sr.’s face red for the remainder of his days.

Now, keep in mind that I’m not here to discuss his foreign policy, his need to drop our country (and others) into an endless, unnecessary war or even his post-9/11 stunt of continuing to read “Chompy the Goat” to a class full of naive, drool-dripping booger-eaters.

That’s right… I’m talking about the pretzel. The pretzel that almost ended a presidency.

Throughout all the stress and uncertainty of the events of 9/11, Bush aged indefinitely. The stress took much toll on him, leaving him vulnerable to the attacks of one of his closest friends: the crispy, salty pretzel.

Almost ten years to the day, a full, complete decade after food betrayed his father, the delicious snack would then betray G.W. as well.

Late one night, as Bushie chomped on his delightful treats, one went rogue, breaking off from the pack and travelling down the wrong pipe.

Bushie fell, hitting his head and losing consciousness for a few seconds. Sadly, he was quickly revived and allowed to continue with his presidency.

It’s a shame the pretzel failed to take him out. I’m sure the next few years would have run more smoothly with Cheney calling the shots.

Oh, wait…



This is not included in the 500 word limit.

Thanks to Sam Jones for starting out this coming political trilogy.

I’m not so big on politics anymore, but I’m always big on making fun of famous people.

Some say that’s what I do best. Other say (insert perverse sexual innuendo here).


Truly ghjr


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