Soggy Bread

June 8, 2012

As a wise man once said, “water dripping on bread makes bread taste not so tasty.”

That man was a mysterious collective of men (and perhaps women) known as Major Organ and the Adding Machine.

That’s how they roll.

Regardless of their status as man, woman or mysterious collective, he/she/it/they has/have a good point:

soggy bread is a big bummer.

Now, I haven’t gone around dripping water onto bread and trying the resulting water-dripped bread-stuffs to confirm or deny the idea that water-dripped bread is not so tasty, let alone more or less tasty than any other bread-stuffs dripped upon by any fluid-stuffs other than water.

However, I have eaten my fair share of soggy bread in my day, and let me assure that the assumption that said bread tasted…. well, not so tasty.

In fact, I just powered through a bit of soggy bread today.

Now, it’s my policy to not complain about free food. If somewhere else uses their money to purchase my nourishment, then I’m grateful for it and keep my comments to myself, regardless of quality or quantity.

But tonight, it was hard to stick by my policy.

I had to go to a training session, and I was ecstatic to hear that the people running the meeting had shelled out for TWO Subway trays.

Cookies and all.

I’m not in college anymore, but I’ve only been out for a month. Old habits die hard, and my mouth started watering at the very thought of a dining pro bono.

As I grabbed a couple sub slices, I didn’t think about where they were positioned, just what was inside. One with ham and cheese. One with turkey AND roast beef… ON THE SAME SUB!

Heaven on Earth. Heartily relished by the recent college graduate.

Long past are the days of living through finals week on just apples, snack crackers, cookies and coffee from the library.

This was my feast.

I lightly applied mayo and tugged at the tomatoes. Just because I appreciated the free food didn’t mean I was going to eat  the veggies. I’m not a fan of tomatoes or cucumbers, so they made friends with the trash can.

I’m not sure how I didn’t notice that the bottom was soaked and dripping from being against the cool plastic plate, brewing in puddles of condensation and various meat and vegetable juices.

I powered through the first bite without so much as a word or a gag. The second bite was worse, clawing at my uvula with mushy, soggy insanity.

But, I managed it down.

As a took a third bite, I questioned if I would continue to make myself sick just to appear polite.


Firm bread.

No more mush!

My taste buds danced along the bread, dripping water onto the bread in my mouth, making it soggy with my own water.

I can assure, it made it even more tasty.



This is not included in the 500 word limit.

Thanks to Ashton Cutright for the oddly topical mania of soggy bread.


Thank you.

Truly ghjr.


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