The “Horrible” Music of John Williams

June 4, 2012

John Williams has been making music for longer than I have been alive. Of course, I was born in 1988, so the same can be said for about 99% of anyone who has ever made music.

Frankly, John Williams has been making music since before my parents were born, which was in the early 1960’s. A slightly greater feat, yes, but still not impressive enough.

I mean, Nickelback has been making “music” since before some of my cousins were born, and they suck twelves asses.

In a row.

Longevity notwithstanding, John Williams is still seen as one of the greatest film score composers of all time.

But… why?

I mean, sure. He’s scored for some of the biggest films ever. Jaws, E.T, Jurassic Park, ALL of the Harry Potter films. Big deal.

He has composed pieces that are literally iconic and recognizable the world overAll of the Star Wars movies, all the Indiana Jones flicks, the amazingly recognizable Superman music. Those were important, right?

He has crafted melodies and motifs that swirled through the childhoods and years after of hundreds of millions of people the world over.


What’s the big deal?

I mean, the main theme of Star Wars is only internationally recognized more than soundtracks of most of the movies released in the last ten years.

I couldn’t even hum 2 bars of the theme song from The Avengers.

Frankly, the name “John Williams” alone is more readily recognized than almost all other film score composers. I mean, who else comes to mind? The impeccable Ennio Morricone? The impossibly tense Hanz Zimmer?

Oh, boy. Big names you are beating out there, John.

What’s the appeal?

If I took the big movie names away from the soundtracks, what would he have? A solid body of work? A mastery of motifs and thematic melodies?

Sure, he’s got a good handle on his music, but he isn’t Justin Bieber! He isn’t Rebecca Black!

He isn’t Lionel Richie for sure!

I guess that’s what I’m getting at. He isn’t on the scene these days. He doesn’t sing. His songs don’t even have lyrics!

How can his music be any good with words or a beat that I can dance to?

I mean, I couldn’t imagine a time when no one put words or good beats to their music! What if people just used cellos and flutes and gross instruments like that to play music? I doubt people would like that very much at all.

And John Williams doesn’t autotune. At all.

I can’t imagine how he got anywhere without autotune.

People just won’t stop talking about him, though. They keep saying that he is great.

I mean, I guess I get the appeal, but I’m still not convinced he great as One Direction or Ke$ha.

Oh, well. We wouldn’t have this problem if people would listen to good music.



This is not included in the 500 word limit.

Thanks to Ashton Cutright for letting me practice my biting sarcasm on this one.

Seriously though, I am a huge fan of Mr. Williams and his work. I honestly don’t know how anyone can hate it.

I mean, it shaped my childhood, and that’s more than enough for me.

Truly ghjr


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