Men’s Bathrooms

May 28, 2012

Today, I sit before not as a friend, a writer or an equal.

I sit before as a teacher of the masses.

My words will spread through the Internet like a wild digital fire, and readers everywhere will learn a few valuable lessons.

Today, I’d like to talk to you about something that holds a very dear place in my heart (among other parts.) This place has been very instrumental to the man I have become over my short quarter-century on this earth.

The bathroom.

Yes, to some it may be a place to relieve oneself and clean up afterwards. But to me, the bathroom has evolved into a beacon of inspiration, a mecca of bottled lightning.

Heck, some of my best ideas strike me in the bathroom, and not just my private bathroom at home.

I’ve had tons of ideas in public restrooms everywhere.

There is just something about that cool porcelain and the time spent sitting quietly with just your mind and a bit of gas to keep you company that breeds a fantastic environment for ideas.

However, I’ve only been struck by ideas while using the men’s bathroom.

It’s true; I am a man. As such, I am not generally granted access to the ladies’ room. However, I have ventured into the testosterone-devoid abyss once or twice in my day, and I can assure any confused parties that there are only three main differences between the two.

You know, other than overstuffed couches in the ladies’ room.

MEN HAVE URINALS!

It’s true, ladies. We men can pee standing up, and we love to do it. Whether it’s outside, into the potted plant in the office or into a large bucket in a friend’s garage, we just love to stand and pee.

That’s where the urinal comes in. We walk right up, throw our collective dong into the wind and fill her up as fast as possible.

With the help of a urinal, a man can be in and out of the bathroom to two shakes of a… well, you know.

WOMEN HAVE TAMPON DISPENSERS!

Don’t fret, ladies. You make lack the comfort and convenience of a urinal, but you have a piece of equipment designed solely for you.

Of course, men aren’t usually on the list of “People Who Need Tampons.”

And I suppose the whole period thing isn’t close to being as fun as standing to pee. I’m not sure, but from what I hear, that’s pretty close to the truth.

Either way, women have to deal with Aunt Flo when she comes in for her monthly visit, and the tampon dispenser helps immensely.

MEN’S BATHROOMS HAVE MEN! WOMEN’S BATHROOMS HAVE WOMEN!

That’s a bit of a given, but it’s a big difference.

The only exception is little kids going with their parents, or the occasional hanky-panky in the bathroom…

Not that I would know anything about that.

ghjr

———————————————————————————-

This is not included in the 500 word limit.

Thanks again to Ashton Cutright.

I have a feeling that she only requested this since she is a woman and doesn’t know what men’s rooms are like.

…or maybe she’s a man in disguise and wanted to know what ladies’ rooms are like.

Pretty sneaky…

Truly ghjr

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