Campus Security

May 25, 2012

Let me start by saying that I’m glad I wasn’t asked to write this while I was still in college.

That’s right. Your Humble Blog Overlord has a degree.

I can hear you clamoring about it now.

In what?

Well, a very lucrative, secure and prestigious field: Music Journalism.

Okay, so… maybe I talked it up a bit. It’s not that prestigious. Regardless, it’s what I want to do, and I think that the 77 posts and 3 readers of this blog can attest to my ability to write in… shall we say “interesting” ways.

I like to keep it entertaining regardless.

And yes, there are many who helped me along the way.

My parents footed what part of the bill that the State didn’t cover.

Room and board, mainly. I lived with them until this time last year. That’s it. The State covered the rest. I’m a smarty, you know.

They call us “nerds” for a reason, and it ain’t Star Wars.

Of course, most of the professors I had helped. Some more than others, mind you. I have my favorites, and I have a few on my shit-list.

They know who they are.

Of course, my friends help keep everything in check throughout college, and my beautiful girlfriend Lisa (who I’ve managed to sink my talons into and keep a dire grip upon for a majority of my college year) has always kept me on track.

Honestly, I think the only people in my life the past five years (yes. It took me 5. No shame in it.) were the campus security.

I’ve always been at odds with campus security. Not that they’ve ever really done anything to me (until last year, that is), but I’ve just never been a fan.

I’ve always gotten that “false sense of entitlement” from them. It’s the same I get from college students with rich parents who buy them nice cars, or from that jack-hole Remi Bucksaplenty.

Not the one from that cartoon with the fairies. There’s a real one wandering the campus of Fairmont State, hitting on teachers and snorting cocaine out of the hairy anuses of the disease-ridden ladyboys that live in the more desolate parts of the nigh-abandoned Turley Center.

Campus security has always been like a real PD on a super tight budget. Mind you, I’ve never understood why the budget was so tight. The university has always been a fan of gouging every penny they can from the lifeless pockets of any simp who breezes his way past admissions.

It became personal when the new head of security came and started ticketing in faculty spots after 5 p.m. That’s when they started plastering my car and made a lot of enemies.

I have 10 or 12. Still haven’t paid them.

Doesn’t matter. I’ll have that diploma soon and I’ll be done with the place.



This is not included in the 500 word limit.

Thanks to Ashton Cutright for the challenge. I can only imagine what it would have been like if she had written this.

She waged an Unholy War against campus security in her entire first stint at that college.

She’s the one with all the good stories on this subject.

Truly ghjr


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