Nicolas Cage

May 18, 2012

It’s not a secret that I have a few ::AHEM::… unhealthy obsessions with a few dashing leading men from the talking pictures.

Samuel L. Jackson has always been one of my favorites, even though he basically plays himself in all of his movies. You’d think that would get old. I mean, it does if it’s someone like Ryan Reynolds or Dane Cook, but that’s a different 500 words.

Liam Neeson is another one. He just throat-punches all day long, and I’m fine with that.

Adam West will always have my heart in a totally heterosexual way. He’s way too amazing to pass up.

But, the man that has quickly shot to the top of my list is none other than Castor Troy himself, the man who escape Hell for a baby and rode a flaming motorcycle most of the way home…

Nicolas Cage.

Cage is one of those actors that draws me to a movie just knowing that he is in it. Seriously. I’ve watched plenty of movies just because I know Rage Cage will make an appearance.

And it’s not because I know they will be quality movies. Quite the opposite.

Anymore, I know that if Cage is on screen, it’s more than likely going to be an over-the-top, under-written, mad dash of insanity that won’t bring much quality but will be a hell of a fun ride.

That’s what his movies are all about.

Think back. Name three “good” movies that Cage starred in.

“Raising Arizona”? “Leaving Las Vegas”?

Is that it?

Well, those are old hat, brother. Not saying that those are bad movies. On the contrary, those are some of his “best.”

Now… let’s name some bad ones.

“Ghost Rider”. “Knowing”. “Drive Angry”. “Sorcerer’s Apprentice”. One of my personal favorites: “Vampire’s Kiss.”

These are movies that are so bad, I sometimes have to watch them over and over to fully appreciate the extent of the horrible ridiculousness.

Whether it’s Milton’s ridiculous sex scene/gun fight or Peter Loew’s angry rant about filing things in alphabetical order, Nicolas Cage is just one of those over-the-top actors that polarizes audiences everywhere into a “Love Cage/Hate Cage” dichotomy.

Clearly, I’m balls deep in the Love Cage crew.

Honestly, with stuff like “The Wicker Man,” how can’t I be? The scene in which Cage punches tons of old women for almost no reason is just way too alluring.

Not to mention the infamous “BEES!” part.

Cage is the man that spawned a hundred memes, a title fit only for a king of insanity.

With that title, it’s safe to say Nicolas Cage isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

And that’s a good thing. Really.

It won’t do us any good to get rid of him. Remember his famous quote from the end of the critically-“acclaimed” “Wicker Man”:

“Killing me won’t bring back your goddamn honey!”



This is not included in the 500 word limit.

Thanks to fellow Nicolas Cage fan Ashton Cutright for this one.

I know now of it comes as a surprise to any of you.

Rage Cage is just one of those guys that can be in anything and I’ll watch.

I mean, I’ve seen “Knowing” twice. Case closed.

Truly ghjr


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