Ronald Reagan/Watergate

May 11, 2012

For the record, Reagan had almost nothing to do with Watergate. He wasn’t behind it in any way. He was necessarily directly affected by it.

Watergate was a decade before Ronald Reagan took office.

Honestly, the only real connection I can find is that Reagan pardoned former FBI Associate Director Mark Felt, the man who turned out to be Deep Throat, when he was charged with ordering the Watergate break-ins in the first place.

Of course, that was expunged, but nothing is ever erased from the Internet, remember?

Other than that, nothing.

It’s not like Ronald Reagan was Tricky Dick reincarnate.

It’s not as though the evil entity that possessed the bowels and brains of Richard M. Nixon were exorcised sometime in the late 1970s and reabsorbed by Reagan’s naive Star Wars spawning psyche.

And no, not the movie. Star Wars, the outer-planetary system of laser-wielding satellites that could blast down any nuclear warheads or other missiles that were to be launched by the Red Menace and had their sights trained on good ol’ U.S. of A.

That Star Wars.

Oh, no. I realize that it’s not the best idea. Frankly, it’s a pretty stupid idea.

First, nukes wouldn’t be launched into space before they reached us. Second, last time I checked, missiles and warheads generally detonate on impact, and a laser wouldn’t do much.

Third, Superman would just stop missiles for us. At least, that’s what Frank Miller says.

But, Reagan was way too busy pushing Trickle Down Economics on everyone to be evil or plot crimes.

He’s not the Penguin, alright?

He’s not even Nixon. He’s Reagan.

The bastard ate jellybeans constantly. I assume that jellybeans were his main source of nutrition, but that might not be accurate.

He certainly didn’t survive on the bones of the innocent like Nixon did.

So, Reagan didn’t do anything with Watergate, and Reagan had pretty much nothing to do with Nixon either.

Or did he?

Some men and women, those who live in darkened hovels around the seedier parts of the country, surely believe that they are connected.

These are the insane individuals that subscribe to the notion that all presidents are simply the pawns of an evil, world-wide organization that rules the world by pulling the strings of the figurehead leaders the world over. These people are probably the same ones that believe the president is just a robot whose appearance is changed every 4 or 8 years depending on how the elections go.

Again, we know that’s not true. The president is actually a computer image generated by Lex Luthor and his band of techno-literate world-conquering associates.

Isn’t that right, Frank?

Now, if that’s the case, then I suppose Reagan was behind Watergate, in the sense that he was forced into it by his alien captors ten years before he was actually Ronald Reagan.

But, that’s just silly, right?





This is not included in the 500 word limit.

Thanks to Ashton Cutright for this one, too.

Looks like the fact that I’ve been reading tons of Batman is starting to show through.

Isn’t that right, Frank?


Truly ghjr


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