The Crust That Forms On Shampoo Bottles

May 4, 2012

There are tons of people in the world.

Seriously. Billions of them.

Some like comic books. Some like shopping. Some like killing animals for food or sport.

They are doctors, lawyers, hobos, prostitutes. Some are presidents. Some will never see the light of day again.

Heck, one of those people is The Batman.

Everyone is different. Some respect that. Some don’t.

But the crazy thing is, even with all these differences and all the vast number of possible differences that could occur around the world, there are still a number of shared experiences that make us human. We have all felt happiness and love. We have all felt sadness and strife. We have all faced injustice, or have been put in the spot to be treated like a small hero.

These are the things that connect us as humans. They are why we are enjoying life as an “intelligent” species on this planet.

Emotions. Music. Beauty.

They make us human. They make us real.

Of course, all of us have experienced that crust that forms on shampoo bottles, but it’s hardly a life-affirming ordeal. It’s just kind of annoying and gross.

Now, I’m fairly certain it has a name no one knows and no one has heard of, but naturally, I have no clue what it is. I’m not even going to try to make one up for once. I don’t think I could do it the justice it deserves.

Anyway, this grimy bottle smegma collects around the caps and under the lids of shampoo bottles everywhere.

Dare I say that a shampoo bottle has not existed if it has not had to deal with this disgusting crust. It gathers throughout the life of the shampoo bottle, constantly flaking off into the owner’s hands, lodging itself into the scalp line and follicles of any brave enough to crack the cap.

The worst of it may not even be around the hole of the bottle, crusted firmly like crap-caked hairs snaking their way around a dirty booty hole. The worst of it actually collects in that little space between the lid itself.

This is where the trap is set.

Sometimes, rogue shampoo is forced into that tiny section of open space. It gather there, much like the crust, but instead of hardening and flaking into the bathtub or onto the nearest human, it just sits and sits.

Sometimes, water gets in there and mixes with it. And the water sits in there with the old shampoo.

Then, one day, when you are really hard up for shampoo, and you give the bottle everything you’ve got, it rushes forth onto your scalp like a cold, greasy, mildew bath of spores and hatred.

And let me tell you something, reader. That may very well be the worst bath ever.

Nothing drive the ladies away more than mildew hair. Trust me.

Crust may not be the true enemy, but it is the front for worse happenings.




This is not included in the 500 word limit.

Thanks to Ashton Cutright for another… imaginative entry.

I’m not sure if any of you can be much more esoteric than that.

And trust me, that’s a challenge.

Truly ghjr


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