Staples vs. Paperclips

April 13, 2012

The boy always started his sentences with a sharp inhale of his nose, clearing any mucus that had accrued since his last sentence.

SSSNNNORK! Paperclips are better.”

And naturally, the words that followed were the typical fair for school yard arguments.

“NUH-UH! Staples are better.”

Of course, these two fought about damned near anything. They were friends, as much as two eight-year-olds could be, picking on girls and trading Pokemon cards or what the devil kids are doing these days. They were friends, but they fought like two ugly sisters screaming about which one deserved to be hit with a boot.

SSSNNNORK! Yes-HUH! Paperclips are bendy and you can pick a lock with one.”

“You can’t. LIAR! Plus, staples are sharp and stabby. I could kill you with one right now!”

The truth was, he couldn’t. He had no staples.

SSSNNNORK! No, you can’t. You don’t even have any staples, and if you did, I would just stab you with a paperclip first!”

“Copycat! I’ll just shoot you with a staple gun. My dad has one that is so big and powerful he stapled his hand to the roof last year.”

They had been fighting out on the lawn when the older brother of one of the boys heard their yawps. He rushed out to see what was going on. “What the hell are you two fighting about?”

SSSNNNORK! I told him that paperclips are better, and he won’t believe me!”

“I told him he was stupid, and he won’t believe me!”

“Why does it matter?” the brother countered. “Hold on just a sec.” The brother rushed into the house, running to his father’s tool bench. He grabbed a small, portable stapler. On his way out, the brother pulled a paperclip from a bunch of papers.

“Here.” He handed the paperclip to the boy that stood up for staples. “You take this,” he said, handing the stapler to the one who cried about paperclip superiority.

“Both are good. Paperclips hold papers together for a little bit, and staples hold them together longing. If you just want some papers clipped for a few hours or days, paperclips will do the job without destroying the papers. But, if you want those papers to be together for a long time, use staples. It’s that simple.”

SSSNNNORK! I guess we didn’t think about it that way.”

“Yeah. Thanks, big bro.”

The boy turned to enter the house again, thinking he had done good. But he didn’t see his little brother twisting the sharp paperclip into a point. As the brother walked, his eyes blind to the boys, he casually threw some words over his shoulder. “Don’t mention i-AAAHH!”

He felt a sharp jab in the back of his leg. He dropped to the ground, and the boys pounced, one poking his calf with the paperclip, the other stapling his buttcheek.

SSSNNNORK! You were right. Staples are better.”

“Nuh-uh, paperclips are better…”



This is not included in the 500 word limit.

Thanks to Diane Petraitis for the challenge. I told I could do one without sex or poop.

I just resorted to violence to fill the void.

Truly ghjr


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