April 6, 2012

In my world, there are basically two kinds of bad movies.

The first is a movie that you watch, thinking you will enjoy the overall experience and maybe even feel like watching it again or buying the DVD when it comes out. However, you realize at the end, or (more than likely) about half the way through, that it’s actually one of the worst movies you’ve ever seen and you’d rather kill everyone in the theater with a well-hidden machete before taking your own life, drenched in the blood of dozens of innocent, terrified moviegoers.

Feel free to pick around most of the movie posts on this site to read about some of my experiences with these movies.

The other kind of bad movie is definitely the better kind. This kind is the movie that you watch with friends in a dark room late at night. You’ve probably read reviews and understand exactly how bad it is, so you grab a couple beers and settle in for a terrible, hilarious ride that will be filled with bad acting and heckling.

Cyberbully falls into the second category.

For those of you who don’t know, Cyberbully is an ABC Family original movie about… well, cyberbullying.

A school full of kids signs up for accounts on some fake social media/IRC clone, and they being to bully one girl. She takes it too hard, lets the crap they put online get to her and tries to take her own life, only to learn a valuable and family-centric lesson at the end.

Pretty boring, right?

Well… yeah.

There are a few twists, mind you. The mysterious guy who starts bullying her extra hard online is actually the girl that claims to be her best friend. Then, after the first girl tries (and fails miserably) to kill herself, the friend becomes the target of bullies.

They all stand up to the popular kids in the end, and bullying stops forever.

Of course, most everyone watching with me on the one night I happened to catch it had at least a couple of beers in them, which led to us heckling mercilessly and spawning all sorts of low-level memes and in-jokes.

Like when we decided, while some kids were saying she was a slut and had herpes, we would spread rumors that she charged $5 for butt-touching.

Soon, an hour of butt-touching jokes led to a serious conversation about the giver and receiver of hypothetical butt-touches.

I assumed she was touching other boys’ butts if they paid her $5. I guess everyone else had something other than that in mind.

All in all, we decided we were just a room full of terrible people, a revelation which (while not at all surprising) hit after we taunted her character for messing up her own suicide.

I mean… she couldn’t open a childproof pill bottle. They didn’t even need to pump her stomach to save her.

What a loser.

Oh… wait…



This is not included in the 500 word limit.

Thanks to Leroy Brumage for that one. Apparently, he had already seen the movie before we decided to check it out on Netflix that night.

Actually, it was one TV just a few nights ago. I almost watched to brush up for the post.

But… we were out of beer. I couldn’t handle it sober.

Truly ghjr.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: