The Origins of Eggnog

March 30, 2012

Gather ’round, children. It’s time for a magical tale…

Every year around Christmastime, millions of people around the world drink a special drink known as “eggnog.”

Some people drink it with plenty of whipped cream and cinnamon and delicious nutmeg on top. Others drink it straight from the jug.

Still others put all sorts of fermented alcohols and distilled liquors in it.

Some have a large punch bowl at the office Christmas party, and others sip a small mug quietly in their homes, surrounded by friends and family.

It truly is the drink of the Christmas season.

What you may not know is that last week, March 25th to be exact, precisely 9 months before Christmas day, is when the process of making all the eggnog for the year begins.

Just after the first day of spring, when the temperature is around 70 everyday and love is starting to fill the air, a select group of farmer called “Noggers” evaluate all their roosters and dairy cows they have on hand.

They find the highest quality cocks and cows and split them off from the rest. These animals are taken to a secret facility that is either isolated in the middle of the Canadian province of Saskatchewan or in an expanse of tunnels underneath the town of Butte, Montana.

I still can’t be sure. No one can.

But the animals are shipped to that facility where they are treated like kings and queens for the rest of their days. There, they are fed the finest fresh cut grasses and handpicked grains. They are given tons of space to roam and be happy, cows and chickens mingling together in the way people in society would.

This is very important, because letting the animals grow natural bonds between each other and find a suitable eggnog partner is important to the taste of the finished product.

People always say that love is in the most important ingredient. For eggnog, that’s actually true.

Once the chickens and cows have paired up with each other, Noggers put the pairs in private, candlelit rooms to let the magic happen.

Each room holds a rooster and a cow that, over time, have grown to love each other very much. I don’t think I need to go into detail about what happens when they are alone.

Soon, the cows udders begin to swell in anticipation of the upcoming birth of the natural chicken/cow hybrid. The noggers go to great lengths to hand-milk the eggnog from the cows, store it in centuries-old wooden pails until they can bottle it and send it to the store.

The cows end up laying some very brown eggs, too. Ones that never hatch, but the hormones from being pregnant with these eggs make the cows produce the eggnog until Thanksgiving when the eggs comes.

So, the eggnog is shipped to stores and the eggs are saved for Easter when the Cadbury company puts them on the shelves…

ghjr

————————————————————————–

This is not included in the 500 word limit.

Thanks to Daniel Bollinger for twisting an offhand comment I made at work into this post.

I genuinely woke up at 11:10 this morning and realized I hadn’t written this, but I knew exactly what I wanted to do with it.

So… ta-da! Eggnog and Cadbury Creme Eggs. At once.

Take that.

Truly ghjr

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: