Pooping in Wallman Hall’s Penthouse

March 26, 2012

I’m sure most all of you have had to use the bathroom in public before.

I mean, unless you are some sort of hermit that never leaves the house, or if you are one of those people that absolutely refuses to touch a toilet seat that isn’t yours. Those things happen, you know.

Either way, pooping in public is one of the shared experiences of basically every person on Earth.

Whether it be a tree in the Savannah, an executive restroom in a high profile bank or a port-o-john on a construction site, bathrooms are the meeting place of the world.

Naturally, some are better than others. There is a small Exxon station somewhere between here and Virginia Beach that is possibly the most heinous room I have ever entered.

Of course, when nature calls, you best pull off the road and pick up the phone.

On the other hand, the bathroom at the Carnegie Science Center in Pittsburgh may be one of the nicest bathrooms I have ever used.

However, there is one that I (among a few other in the know) hold very dear.

It’s not the toilet at home. It’s not the one at my parents’ house that I spent over 21 years crafting fine memories upon.

It’s the one in the penthouse of Wallman Hall on the main campus of Fairmont State.

Now, if you had asked me two years ago to talk about this, I probably would have denied any knowledge. Why?

Well, I used to have to spend a lot on time on campus. Some days stretched well over 12 hours. Five of those days a week made for a long semester and guaranteed that I’d need to poop on campus at least once a day, generally twice.

So, I needed a stable, reliable toilet, one that I knew I could drop into any time of the day and it would be open.

Introducing… Wallman Hall’s Penthouse Bathroom.

With a healthy mix of people not realizing it was there and people thinking student weren’t allowed to use it, I (along with a couple others) had free reign of the bathroom, and with only one toilet and one urinal, that’s a good thing.

Oh, those were the days. Not worrying if a toilet would be free. Knowing you had plenty of leg room and privacy if you needed to grunt or talk on the phone.

What? I talk on the phone and poo at the same time.

Either way, that bathroom, while small and usually tidy, was the best chance for respite and luxury on the campus of Fairmont State.

And now, everyone knows.

Of course, I only have class one day a week now, so I don’t need to use it that often.

May as well spread the love, right?

And by “spread the love” I meant “spread the word,” not “spread the poop.”

That would be icky.

Seriously. I don’t want that. At all.





This is not included in the 500 word limit.

Thanks to Tristram Salisbury for helping my blow the lid off of this hot case.

Now everyone knows where we poop.

They’ll be swarming us for autographs and what-not.


Truly ghjr.


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