March 12, 2012

Everything I know about Malaysia, I learned from the movie “Zoolander.”

That being said, Malaysia’s evil prime minister is attempting to crack down on child labor laws. If he succeeds, the prices of materials and clothing will skyrocket, driving prices of designer clothing through the roof.

No one will be able to afford them! They will have to shop at Walmart and TJ Maxx, for the entire fashion industry will be ruined.

He must be stopped. We must kill the prime minister of Malaysia!

Obey my dog!

::snaps out of it::

Dammit. I hate when Frankie Goes to Hollywood comes on Pandora while I’m trying to write. Where was I?

Malaysia is a small island country in the South China Sea. It borders countries like Thailand and Indonesia.

It’s also one of the countries that I really want to visit. Why?

Is it the constantly references in Tom Waits songs that have attained some sort of subliminal success? Nope. That’s Indonesia.

Is it the sex trade, and the fact that 12-year-old prostitutes run rampant in the darkened streets? Nope. That Thailand.

Also, it’s really creepy.

Why do I want to go? Nose monkeys and corpse flowers.


Well,  “proboscis monkeys”.

“Proboscis” essentially means “nose,” so it’s easy to see how they got their names.

Now, these monkeys aren’t really different from other monkeys. They do normal monkey things: pick bugs off of each other, hang out in the treetops, eat bananas, clash cymbals together while wearing silly hats.

You know… monkey stuff.

However, it’s the big, silly nose that draws me in. They kind on look like tiny people. Tiny, ugly people.


So, they probably aren’t as creepy as the name “corpse flower” might lead you to believe, but there is a reason they got the name.

Rafflesia is a genus of parasitic flowers that inhabit, among other places, the Malay Peninsula. The flowers have no real stems or roots. Instead, they grow along parasitic vines.

The blooms can grow to over 3 and a half feet across and can weigh more than 20 pounds. And how did they get the name?

No, they don’t thrive on the corpses in the mortuary. And they don’t randomly burst out of people’s chests when they roam around the island.

So, what is it?

Well, it “looks” and smells like rotting meat.

Not that they look like dead bodies littering the countryside. The petals have a gross, reddish yellow dying flesh color about them. Also, the smell of rotting meat that comes about when they bloom is said to be overpowering.

I can only assume how many times the blooming, disgusting flowers have lent themselves to supposed murder investigations.

And I say “assume” because I don’t really know if it has happened, and I don’t really know what rotting meat smells like.

Damn this anosmia! I’ll never be able to smell the death flowers!




This is not included in the 500 word limit.

Thanks to Sam Jones for the challenge.

I nearly forgot to do this one. I’ve been so messed up on the days recently.

I blame Daylight Saving Time.


Truly ghjr.


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