February 17, 2012

For the few readers out there that are somewhat involved in the life of my darling girlfriend, Lisa, you know exactly what this post will be about by looking at the title.

After all, she’s the one who requested it. I’m not sure why. It’s not like she actually reads any of my posts.

“Patrick” does not refer to that bald guy from Star Trek or that dead guy who played the ghost on Ghost.

Of course, he’s only playing that role now, but I digress.

Patrick is Lisa’s cat.

He is easily the biggest cat I have ever seen, and aside from Rascal, he’s the coolest cat that has ever slinked his way across this Earth.


Lisa likes to tell Patrick (and yes, she talks to him as if he was a human. I used to make fun of her for it, but soon after I moved in with her, I started doing it, too) that everyone likes him. The thing is… it’s true.

Everyone likes Patrick. No, this isn’t a sitcom rip-off. He’s just lovable.

Even my friends that hate cats love Patrick.

I’m not sure why.

Patrick loves being the center of attention. He likes to follow people and meow at them while they are doing better things, like making food or writing blog posts.

He rolls and meows playfully to lure you into his razor sharp foot deathtrap.

He loves sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong and hates being picked up. Remember that one. It might save your life.

Most of all, Patrick loves to follow people into the bathroom and meow at them until they divert their attention from their own genitals and anuses and place all eyes on Patrick.

But, usually he’s good cat.


There was that one time, though.

Pat was asleep on the bed with his sister Penny and Lisa, who was napping after a long shift at work.

I decided it was a prime time to feed the snake, so I warmed up some frozen mice and pulled the snake from her cage to prepare her for a feeding.

She was casually winding and sliding between my fat fingers.

Patrick instinctively knew that I was paying greater attention to a living thing other than him, so he bounded into the room and headed curiously for the snake in my hand.

Apparently, she isn’t a fan of cats, sudden movements or me yelling at Patrick to leave the snake alone.

In her fear, she slowly lurched out and bit my finger, wrapping her gaping jaws around my swollen knuckle.

It was the first and only time she had bitten anything other than food.

I got her into her feeding cage, cleaned the extremely small wound and told Patrick that we weren’t friends anymore.

That lasted about 2 days. He’s just too damn lovable.

I told you. Regardless of basically everything, everyone loves Patrick.



This is not included in the 500 word limit.

Thanks to Lisa Hostuttler for the challenge. She’s been telling me for a while that she was going to request a post about Patrick.

She also says that she’ll have to take the week off from work when he dies.

Yes, my girlfriend is crazy. Yes, I manage to love her anyway.

Truly ghjr


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