James and the Giant Peach

February 13, 2012

I remember watching James and the Giant Peach a lot when I was a child.

I never read the book. Well, at least I don’t remember it if I did.

But, we watched the claymation movie all the time in elementary school music class. Our teacher, Phil Serge, would show it all the time , even though it really didn’t have anything to do with music.

I remember every time the Grasshopper called the Centipede thing an “ass”, the teacher would try to cover his own by saying that he actually said “asp.” We didn’t know what an asp was at the time, so it didn’t matter.

Well, it’s a snake. It’s the kind of snake that killed Cleopatra.

Centipedes are not snakes, Mr. Serge. Your move, asp-hole.

I really enjoyed the movie as a child. If I remember correctly, it was one of the darker cartoon movies out their. I mean… it wasn’t The Nightmare Before Christmas, but still, it had some magic and scaryness and other stuff that most parents probably weren’t too keen on having their children watch.

But, we watched it many times. In music class. In elementary school.
Feel free to correct me if I am wrong, but the movie has nothing to do with music.

Either way, James found himself in possession of some weird little glow worms that bored into the roots of his peach tree and made a peach grow to immense proportions.

Hence the name.

He lived in the peach with the insects that grew to human sizes when the peach grew. They sailed around on the ocean for some reason. I remember some kind of mechanical shark that was trying to eat some of the peach, which was an idea everyone hated even though James and his insect friends were eating the peach, too.

I never really got that concept.

Regardless, they evaded the shark robot and threw strings around some seagulls to lift them into the air. Apparently, a few seagulls can lift a giant peach and its occupants, even though the whole thing probably weighed 10 tons or so.

Honestly, I don’t really remember much else about the film. I don’t remember how it ended or really any of the story line, minus the sharkbot and seagulls on leashes.

I do remember the spider, though. She was some kind of French spider for some reason. Like I said, I don’t remember much, but that spider always stuck with me.

I remember, in my naive youthfulness, realizing that the spider seemed like the biggest embodiment of femininity and sexuality in the movie. She was horny and always saying things very… “sexfully.”

At least, in my young mind, she was.

I was just a young buck, and I didn’t really understand matters of sexuality at the time.

And no, I don’t think it is weird that the spider resembled sex for me. I mean, she had eight hands.

That’s a whole lot of hand jobs.

You know she was banging the centipede.



This is not included in the 500 word limit.

Thanks to Sam Jones for this one, too.

I have probably ruined a cherished childhood memory for you, but that’s fine. That is what the internet was made for, right?

Truly ghjr


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