Why 2011 Sucked Ballz [sic]

January 6, 2012

So, 2011 came in slightly over a whole year ago.

And it went out just a few days ago.

And, as with 3 out of every 4 years, it had a grand total of 365 days.

Not too shabby for a year, right?

Well, as with any period of time, some people had a great year, some had an alright year, and for some…

it sucked ballz [sic].

For those of you who are wondering… yes, I was instructed to spell the word “balls” in such a fashion. I hope that clears up any questions you had about that.

Now, did 2011 suck heftier, meatier balls than other years in the past? Perhaps.

Did it suck hairier, sweatier balls than the time that has past since the clock struck midnight on the this, the 2012th year of our Lord?

Well… that one depends on who you ask, which is generally the case with every year.

But, since I was the twisted, gnarled mind that was asked, I suppose it’s my point of view that should be here right now.

These are the two true reasons that 2011 sucked ::AHEM::… “ballz.”


Do you know what the most downloaded movie of last year was?

I’ll give you a hint:

This movie has no business being the most downloaded movie of any period of time. It shouldn’t have been downloaded 9.6 million times last year.

It shouldn’t have been downloaded more than half a dozen times ever.

It probably shouldn’t have been made.

Have you guessed it yet?

Drum roll, please………

“Fast Five.”

Seriously. The fifth installment of “The Fast and the Furious” franchise was downloaded almost 10 million times last year.

The only redeeming quality to that fact is knowing that it kept 10 million people from paying to watch the movie in an actual theatre. How’s that for a silver lining, Vin? They kept between 70 and 90 million dollars from going into that man’s pocket.

The only way I would feel bad is if he had planned on spending that money on some sweet Dungeons and Dragons miniatures. Then, and only then, would I feel bad.

But, of course, that isn’t the worst thing to happen this past year. Far worse things happened.

I’m sure some famous people died and some pretty bad things happened with the government, yes.

But, those things always happen.

To completely ruin 2011 and make it suck as many (or… much?) “ballz” as is colloquially stated, something truly horrendous had to crap down onto the collective pop culture subconscious of the world.

And that, dear readers, is “Sucker Punch.”

A film so heinously terrible that it honestly made me lose hope in the movie industry for months. That is, until “The Thing” helped restore my faith in movies.

Either way, “Sucker Punch” is just one of those movies that makes me cringe and rage at the same time.

Zack Snyder should be beaten for making it.

Thanks for ruining the year for us, Zack.



This is not included in the 500 word limit.

Thanks to Leroy Brumage for supplying me with this handy challenge.

And by handy, I mean it let me get a little bit of ranting in.

That’s exactly what I need this week.

Truly ghjr


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