Anal Leakage

December 23, 2011

In my life, I have had quite a few run-ins with illness and disease.

I’ve had the flu plenty of times. I’ve had hundreds of bouts with 24 hour bugs and the common cold.

I’ve even suffered through food poisoning…

Twice.

In my difference, one of those was from some sort of Russian water-borne virus.

The other… well, let’s just say that I’m pretty leery about eating any more McGriddles in my life.

And through my travels, I have had to consume countless types of medicines and prescriptions to calm my ailments and cure my maladies.

Rheumatoid arthritis medicine for tendinitis.

Dimetapp for childhood colds.

Codeine for broken bones.

Bags of IV fluid during various surgeries.

Tons and tons and tons.

Some have some pretty nasty side effects.

Dry mouth. Headaches. Dizziness.

Thankfully… I haven’t had to take anything with what is possibly the second worst side effect ever:

anal leakage.

Truly second only to death.

Listen. I enjoy a good poop just as much as the next guy. Maybe even more. I haven’t really delved into that in my writing much, but for those of you that know me personally (and all both of you reading this definitely do), you know how much I enjoy using the bathroom.

But, the thing about pooping is…. I like to say when I drop a deuce.

I don’t like having to drop everything to make certain that I get onto a toilet before something comes out.

But if (for ANY reason) I do have to run to the toilet, I will. That’s the only time I let the shits call the shots. (Pardon that. It was too good to pass up.)

Of course, I’ve never had to deal with anal leakage.

And frankly, I feel crappy for anyone who has. (Again, these puns are too easy. They practically make themselves.)

Anal leakage is just when… well…

poop comes out without you knowing or making it come out.

And not just medicines cause it. Believe me, I looked it up for the post. I needed some information since I’ve never experienced it myself.

Being old can bring the poop right out of you. Loose stools can slip right through from time to time.

Anal trauma from… ::AHEM:: let’s just say “extended time in prison” can be a big culprit.

What I found most interesting was that consume certain foods could cause an increased chance of experiencing anal leakage.

Pringles and juices cause leakage.

The worst, however, is diet drug Olestra.

Olestra works by blocking fats from being absorbed into your body. Now, if you pound down a dozen Big Macs and take a few capsules of Olestra, the nauseating amount of fat has to go somewhere.

Your ass. Not the hips, the rectum.

It squirts straight out, causing a horrible grease-poo mess in your panties that I really don’t want to talk about and I’m sure you don’t want to read about.

Be careful. The poo can turn on you. You’ve been warned.

ghjr

 

————————————————————————————————-

 

This is not included in the 500 word limit.

Thanks to Ashton Cutright for making me write about this.

It really wasn’t painful to write. I could take about poop all day.

I hope it wasn’t painful to read. At least, not as painful as dealing with the subject matter in real life.

 

Truly ghjr

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