TriChuckta, Pt. 2: Chuck Norris

November 14, 2011

Some people say that Chuck Norris is the only person or subject that can’t be fit into 500 words. They say his secret beard fists will pummel the limit and smash the author into the 4th century.

I’ll got some sour news for you, reader.

It isn’t true.

I’ll put him in his place and exit the other side unscathed.

I will place my mighty fingers against this Keyboard of Justice and put that cowboy in the stocks.

Ok. Enough with the power trip.

My fondest memories of Chuck Norris are not the string of jokes that we spouted around the high school lunch table. These great memories definitely do NOT include the following popularity of said jokes and impending backlash that they created.

You remember those folders coated with Chuck Norris jokes? Yep. Those.

They were horrible.

The best memories of Chuck Norris are the old episodes of “Walker, Texas Ranger.”

Now, I watched that show constantly when I was a child. At that age, I had no clue who Chuck Norris was. I thought he came out of nowhere to be Walker, Texas Ranger and was fated to an eternity of Total Gym infomercials after the show went under.

It’s like when I used to watch “Rescue 911” and I had no clue that host William Shatner was the legendary Captain James Tiberius Kirk.

All I knew about Chuck was that he was actually Walker, Texas Ranger, and he kicked the crap out of the bad guys on a weekly basis. His butt-kicking skyrocketed to twice a day when the show went into syndication.

I just assumed his name was Walker, and that he used to be a Texas Ranger. In my young mind, the show was a docu-drama about his past life.

As I grew, I learned that Walker… I mean Norris had been an action movie star for years and a member of the United States Air Force before that. He ran a dojo that taught a style of martial arts that he created.

I assume it was filled with roundhouse kicks and moves that shattered vertebrae on contact.

No, it’s not called Chuck Kwan Do, you smart asses.

Either way, Chuck roundhouse kicked his way onto our small 19 inch television screen a couple of times a week, and we loved it.

And Wilford Brimley some old guy was there, and we loved that, too.

Well… maybe not “love,” but you know.

In a strange way, Chuck Norris brought my family together. Other TV shows would create a schism between the males and females in the family. Mom and Amber liked “Touched by an Angel.” Dad and I like “Star Wars” and “Battlebots.”

We all agreed on “Walker,” and also the spin-off “Sons of Thunder,” but that went under quick. I didn’t have the best taste as a child.

Walker brought the world together.

Maybe it was fear. After all… the eyes of the Ranger are upon you.



This is not included in the 500 word limit.

Thanks to Sam Jones for this challenge, and for being one of the driving forces behind the behemoth known as the TriChuckta.

I told you I could contain Chuck to 500 words, but you didn’t believe me, did you?

::roundhouse kick::

Stay tuned for Fridays post, “TriChuckta, Pt. 3… Chuck Testa.”

Truly ghjr


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