October 28, 2011

Most kids like Christmas. They like the idea of a jolly fat man slipping down the chimney and leaving toys and candy. Why does he do it? No real reason. Apparently, Santa was just super happy about Jesus and decided to spread the love… by breaking and entering.

The fat kids loved Thanksgiving. The girls loved Valentine’s Day.

The Jews loved… actually, I have heard bad things about Jewish holidays.

As for me, Halloween has always been my favorite holiday.

I never could put my finger on the reason why. Maybe it’s because I watched Poltergeist when I was 6 and have been hooked on horror movies and slasher flicks ever since. Of course, it may be because I find the world a tiring place and can no longer bring myself to put on my metaphorical mask, a mask that keeps the world from seeing the true me: a scared, deranged little boy who can’t feel or love. Instead, I take solace in the habitual and ritualistic wearing of literal masks to hide their actual faces.

Or… maybe I just like candy. Who knows?

Either way, I love Halloween. I make a point to hang bleeding body parts from trees and clotheslines, line the porch with blood-crusted butcher knives and plant dozens of headstones throughout the yard.

I watch every horror movie I can. I buy the makings for three or four costumes, knowing full well that I will wear every single one. I eat every piece of candy in the house (expect candy corn. Gross.) and then buy more bits of costumes so they will fit after the 10 lb. Halloween candy weight gain.

And yes, some people don’t do things the same way. Some people like to put Halloween down, saying that it glorifies Evil and should not be celebrated. Fine. Do what you want.

More candy for me, right?

Plus, I wouldn’t really call it “Evil,” or even “evil.” At this point in life, you should understand the difference between the two, and Halloween is neither.

I mean… the only people that try to put Satanic rituals and godless heathenry into the same sentence as Halloween are the same fanatical Christians that believe Dungeons & Dragons leads to cutting the heads off of chickens in a dank basement and killing each other in the woods.

Now, that never happened to me. The only chickens I have killed were for dinner, and the only person I killed in the woods was a result of blackmail, not going mad and thinking he was a level 19 Beholder Eye Tyrant standing between me and the elf princess Nylthoth Grandtear.

Yeah. I’ve played before. Human rouge Asturias Boule. But… I’ve never killed anyone because of it.

Either way, no one dies on Halloween. No one puts razor blades into apples. And no one wraps a single piece of candy, fills it with anthrax and rewraps it. It just doesn’t happy.

So let loose, have a damn Milky Way and celebrate.

Happy Halloween, you little devils.



This is not included in the 500 word limit.

No one proposed this as a challenge. I took the liberty of writing about Halloween since I love it so much. You probably know that now that you’ve read this.

Of course, you are probably wondering why I didn’t post this on Monday, which is actually Halloween.

Well, my good friend Marlon Leroy Brumage II will have a guest post for that day. I’ll be in Orlando at a journalism conference for most of the week, and I wanted to extend a challenge to him in brotherly love and hateful competition.

Look out for that on Monday. It’s a doozy.

Truly ghjr


One Response to “Halloween”

  1. […] blog that I read and found very interesting was The Five Hundred Word Blog. The writer asked other bloggers to submit a word which he then writes 500 words about. His […]

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