September 26, 2011

I live in West Virginia. I’m not usually too happy about that fact, especially around election time, football season or any time that I feel the need for some sort of cultural/intellectual experience.

Usually, I am content to write or talk Star Wars and D&D with friends, but those times are few and far between.

Generally, I am surrounded by drunks and rednecks wearing camouflage. Except on Game Day. That’s when the gold and blue comes out.

Now, I figure most of you know what camouflage is. It’s that brown and green pattern of blotches on clothing that usually helps hunters and soldiers stay…. well, camouflaged. I’m fine with that. I really don’t support war, and I could care less about hunting until one of my uncles kills a huge dear and gives my family some venison, but I still grasp the need to hide.

That’s fine. I can deal with that.

However, there is a line. I don’t think a person would need to remain camouflaged while watching football or wandering the streets of West Virginia. Sure, some of those streets are surrounded by woods, but this isn’t Wrong Turn here. Most people aren’t going to need to blend into the roadside scenery.

Also, I can’t really think of any reason a drunken frat boy would need to stay hidden at a frat party, unless he is waiting for his well-placed roofie to take effect so he can have a good time.

Am I right, TKE?

Either way, camouflage outside of the woods is fairly stupid. However, people continue to think it is a fashion statement or a display of redneck pride, like Rebel Flags.

In recent years, people have even changed the color scheme of camouflage, rendering the pattern more useful for hiding in a crowd of sorority girls and gay men than in a cluster of trees. Newer color schemes include dark blue/light blue/white and dark pink/light pink/white.

Now, I really cannot understand the function of these patterns, other than pointing out the stupidest people in a crowd with just a quick scan of the room. I suppose the bright pink camouflage can help pinpoint which girl should be cut away from the herd and tricked into a night of hot sex. Not saying that only sluts wear pink camouflage. Just women stupid enough to fall for the lamest pick-up lines and not think through the implications of sexing a random guy that she met in a crowded hallway outside a college classroom.

Regardless of my harsh words, I still understand that most people won’t stop wearing camouflage any time soon. I bet they would if they were literate and smart enough to understand when they are being insulted.

And to think, these are the same people that buy multiple cans of spray paint just to give their pick-up trucks a stealthy, homemade layer of camouflage. I won’t see them coming when they try to run me over for this post.





This is not included in 500 word limit.

Thanks again to Brian Ornduff. This is the second of three challenges in a row that he submitted after I started randomly threatening people on Facebook.

I may have the next two posts already figured out, but you bastards better submit more challenges. Check The List to see what has happened and what will be happening soon.

Truly ghjr.


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